Tag Archives: healing

No Staying Power

You are all absolutely right. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking. I mean, how could I even consider the slightest possibility that there just might be other, additional ways to help victims cope with the aftermath of their abuse, and all that it entails? I am truly warped.

What kind of horrible monster must I be to publicly bare my soul about this for the very first time? To share the absolute horror of my own abuse, along with the progress I’ve made (and continue to make), hoping that it might, in some small way, help other victims and survivors who are out there wondering if things will ever get better. It’s so incredibly insensitive and unsympathetic for me to remember what that felt like and reach out in understanding to say that it can, in fact, get better, and that despite what anyone else says: it’s not you’re fault; that even when ignorant jerks do blame victims, those idiots’ words don’t have to be part of our reality. How dare I suggest the possibility that anyone would ever overcome that, much less that a dreadful human being such as myself could have anything at all to offer in the way of support along that road? I’ve been such a fool!

I am a horrible, uncaring, evil individual whose sole purpose in all of this was to cause a shit storm and ruthlessly inflict additional pain on wounded people.

If there is a hell, there is a very special place just for me right in its core.

[…] once you get the language wrong, there is no turning back. No explanation … is sufficient […]

You will say what I tell you to say and how I tell you to say it, and if you screw it up, you are no longer worthy of my attention, support, affection or whatever I may have been offering in exchange for your unquestioned compliance to my demands. And once you’ve said it wrong (screwed it up), you can never be fully redeemed. You cannot make amends. It is over for you. You are no longer one of us. You will spend the rest of your life groveling or begone.

Feminist Language


Victims Wanted

I’ll try not to ramble on too much here; I’m really pressed for time. But in pondering the unrelenting claim by Feministe bloggers and readers that asking why victims and survivors of domestic violence stay is always victim-blaming, a few other why? questions occurred to me and I had to get them out of my head and on the page:

Why do they so desperately need victims and survivors to be offended by this question?

I’ve said numerous times over the past week, that I am a survivor of three decades of abuse, and I am not always offended by the question. I don’t believe it’s always intended to blame me. Doesn’t my perspective count for anything? If so, why is everyone frothing at the mouth over it? And if not, why not? Because it doesn’t fit their agenda?

Why do they insist on imposing this doctrine on people? Because where there’s no victim there’s no cause? The more victims they have and the more ways they can invent for us to be re-victimized (and brainwashed into believing it) the more stuff they have to rally around and shout about?

Why is it so difficult for them to think outside the box? Why, as so-called advocates for the abused, can’t they just be happy that I’m OK; that I’ve moved beyond being a victim and encourage other people to do the same? Why do they insist on trying to steal my agency; on telling me what to think, how to feel and how I should express it?

Isn’t there enough actual abuse taking place in the world? Do they really need a Victims Wanted sign in the window?

Now I’m braced for the onslaught. Thinking for one’s self and asking uncomfortable questions which challenge people’s thinking, gets you into very deep, hot water with these people.

Now let the frothing begin.

By the way, here’s another genius who admits to not reading all the material, but yet has the nerve to assume that I have no experience with domestic violence. Par for the course. Like I’ve said before, if it doesn’t line up with their preconceived ideas, it can’t possibly exist.