Tag Archives: dating

Getting To Know You – Part II

Welcome to Part II of Getting To Know You, a series in which I will address some of the questions and concerns people have regarding online and long distance relationships. My purpose in taking on this project is to share a different perspective on this slightly controversial topic. If possible, I would like to help remove the stigma attached to these kinds of relationships.

I am a firm believer that consenting adults should be able to engage in any kind of relationship that makes them happy. I also understand the skepticism regarding online and long distance relationships, but having been in a committed and successful long distance relationship for seven years which has resulted in a recent marriage, I hope I can shed new light on a few things.

In Part I of this series, I discussed what I feel it means to truly know another person. It was in response to the question, “How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?” While it directly inspired the title of that particular post, I believe the title suits the series just as well – it is about getting to know a different side of the issue, as well as the people involved.

I would like to address a couple more questions I have encountered regularly over the years. I believe they can be answered in the same or a similar way, so I will tackle them together:

How do you know the person you’ve met online isn’t lying to you? How do you know he isn’t a psycho?

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Getting To Know You

Recently, while browsing through other blogs, I noticed that the topic of people meeting and/or dating online is quite a hot one. Although there is a lot of it going on, there are still those who are quite skeptical and even critical of this type of interaction.

While some can be downright nasty about it, other people seem to have legitimate concerns and likewise raise legitimate questions; questions that I had too, before I found myself falling in love with a man I had never seen face to face.

Mike and I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over seven years, and were married this past March. When we met online, neither of us was looking for a relationship; it just naturally grew into one. Our love has grown stronger every day since then, and we are deeply committed to each other and our marriage. We have overcome numerous obstacles, and each one has brought us closer and made our relationship even more solid.

It seems to me that maintaining a long distance relationship, especially one as long distance as ours (he’s in the U.K. and I’m in the U.S.), requires extra levels of commitment, dedication and trust. There are also certain sacrifices that a couple must be willing to make; sacrifices much different to those required in traditional relationships.

That said, I would like to address some of the questions and concerns that I’ve encountered recently and over the years. Of course, my thoughts on the subject are based solely on my own personal experience and success story, if you will. They are, however, thoughts which I have examined extensively for more than seven years and discussed at great length with my wonderful husband for just as long. I will begin with the question that inspired the title of this post:

How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?

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Virtual Bitchslap

Following my post, Love You Long Time?, I would like to discuss another post from Jessica’s Blog, formerly Jessica Hope Leahy’s Blog. This time Jessica takes shot after shot at people who begin and/or continue relationships online. She also makes a special point of reminding her readers that she is what society deems attractive, also suggesting that people who “look for love” on the internet are probably unattractive and desperate.

Now, Jess may throw a tantrum and whine about being picked on like she did after my first post about her, but I couldn’t care less. All her self-infantalizing whimpering about I’m just a kid…, pick on somebody your own size…, stop making fun of me…, it’s just a romance blog… gah!… are nothing more than childish cop outs, transparent attempts to avoid taking responsibility for her own words.

Well, Jess, I have news for you: some people are going to take issue with the things you carelessly slap on your blog to meet a deadline. When those people speak up as a matter of principle or conviction, you don’t get a pass just because you’re carrying a heavy workload. Other people are busy and value their time as well; many of those same people are willing to make time for causes that are meaningful to them. And they often do so without receiving any form of compensation – not even college credit.

It’s called having principles, which brings me to the reason for this post: I am a firm believer that consenting adults should engage in any kind of relationship that makes them happy. I further believe that those relationships should not become a target for ridicule; not even if some self-centered journalism student has a deadline to meet and can’t think of anything else to blog about. So, as a matter of principle and conviction, I will now address Virtual Lovin…, by Jessica Hope Leahy:

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