Tag Archives: commitment

Getting To Know You – Part IV

In May of last year, I started writing a series entitled Getting To Know You. The purpose of the series was to address some of the questions, concerns and misconceptions about online and long distance relationships. I became sidetracked and involved in other things, and never got around to finishing the series. Although it’s been nearly a year, a recent inquiry has inspired me to write another segment.

I have been in a long distance relationship for more than eight years — the relationship was initiated online, and my husband and I recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I am writing from my own experience and perspective. My goal is to help shed new light on the subject and work towards removing the stigma attached to these kinds of relationships.

Each part of the series address a different question or topic. In Part I, I addressed the question, “How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?” and explained my thoughts on what it is to truly know someone; in Part II, I discussed questions regarding liars and psychos on the internet; Part III addresses what to do if it turns out that the person you fell in love with online has bad breath or body odor, or if you’re not sexually compatible. I know these things may sound funny or superficial at first, but I believe they are legitimate concerns that deserve genuine responses.

Now on with the show! The next question I had wanted to deal with is:

Aren’t you worried he or she will cheat on you? Isn’t it easier to cheat when you’re in an online or long distance relationship?

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One Year Ago Today

At about this time last year, I was having breakfast with the love of my life, keeper of my heart and most wonderful man in the whole wide world. I know that’s not traditionally how a bride and groom spend the morning of their wedding, but we’ve always been fairly unconventional and figured, why start now?

Two hours later, at approximately 11:30 a.m. on March 20, 2008, we stood in the judge’s chambers at a courthouse in Texas and promised to love, honor, respect and cherish each other until we are parted by death. Tears welled up in my eyes then, just as they have now.

We had hoped to spend our first anniversary together, finally ending our international relationship and living together, once and for all, on the same continent. Circumstances have made that impossible this time around, but that doesn’t diminish how special this day is to me and to us.

Mike and I have been through a lot these past eight years. We’ve overcome many obstacles, supporting and comforting each other along the way. We’ve held hands and climbed mountains. When I grow tired, Mike carries me. When he can climb no longer, I sit by his side while he recovers the strength to carry on.

It’s not always been easy, but it’s felt good and right every step of the way. Besides sharing a powerful love for each other, we are the best of friends; we like each other — a lot! I believe that has kept us going more than just about anything.

We’ve almost reached our mountaintop, my Love. I’m pressing on, with all that I am and all that I have. I know that you are too.

Truly Madly Deeply
by Savage Garden

For Mike With All My Love

Mike is in the shower right now. We’ll be leaving for the airport in about an hour. Our time together flew by even faster than I thought it would. He won’t see this until after he’s back in England, but hopefully it will be something nice for him to return to.

I love you, Michael! Next time it’s for keeps. Deal?

For Michael: We’ve Only Just Begun

Six months ago today, I married my very best friend and love of my life.

Mike and I have been in a long distance relationship for over seven years. We are deeply in love and committed to hanging on for as long as it takes to finally be together for good. Now that we are married, we’re a lot closer to that than we’ve ever been. The immigration process can be long and tedious, but considering everything we’ve already been through together, it’s a relatively minor bump in the road.

I love you, Michael, with all that I am and all that I have. I look forward to being with you again, and next time I won’t have to let you go after a few short weeks. We already have a beautiful, strong marriage that can withstand absolutely anything. And we’ve only just begun!

In celebration of our first six months as husband and wife, I dedicate this song to you, my Love:

We’ve only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we’re on our way
We’ve only just begun

Before the rising sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We start out walking and learn to run
Yes, we’ve just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talking it over just the two of us
Working together day to day,

Together… Together…

And when the evening comes we smile
So much of life ahead
We’ll find a place where there’s room to grow
And yes, we’ve just begun

A Woman In Love

I just finished opening my heart to you, as I often do. I’m able to do this because I know my heart is safe with you. After the talk we had a few minutes ago, I know you will understand the things I am about to say and why I have to say them here for all the world to see.

Thank you, Michael, for saving me; for leading me out of the darkness into the light. You have been a friend and constant companion; a teacher and mentor. You discovered all of me by giving me the freedom to explore and discover every aspect of myself and fully accept it all.

I look forward to a lifetime of new discoveries as we continue to grow as a couple and develop as individuals.

I trust you fully with my very life; I would confidently place it in your hands. Or at your feet. With you, there is safety even in being vulnerable; in loving completely, without conditions or restrictions, and in being loved just the same.

You encourage me to press forward, even when I feel I can’t go on. You have helped me become all that I am by helping me test my own limits and expand my own boundaries. You did this, not by simply replacing my strength with yours, but by showing me my own when I was certain I had lost it.

With you, all is right with the world. I no longer feel confused, lost or alone. You give me direction that I know I can follow and you never walk so fast or so far ahead that I can’t keep up.

You, Michael, are my foundation; my rock. Because of you, my hope is renewed and I know that everything is going to work out just fine.

Friends, neighbors and co-workers look at me and see a woman who’s “together”. What they don’t see is the love and protection that enfolds me and keeps me that way; the love and protection that comes only from you. And while the parts of me that they see are quite real, no-one will ever see the entirety of who I am; the completeness of me that is only present when I melt into your arms and surrender my love to the one who nurtures it and keeps it safe – you.

The following song keeps playing in my mind, and I want to share it with you to further express how I’m feeling right now. I will post the lyrics under the video for you to read in case you’re not able to listen at the moment.

Some of the images in the following video may not be kid or work friendly.

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Getting To Know You – Part II

Welcome to Part II of Getting To Know You, a series in which I will address some of the questions and concerns people have regarding online and long distance relationships. My purpose in taking on this project is to share a different perspective on this slightly controversial topic. If possible, I would like to help remove the stigma attached to these kinds of relationships.

I am a firm believer that consenting adults should be able to engage in any kind of relationship that makes them happy. I also understand the skepticism regarding online and long distance relationships, but having been in a committed and successful long distance relationship for seven years which has resulted in a recent marriage, I hope I can shed new light on a few things.

In Part I of this series, I discussed what I feel it means to truly know another person. It was in response to the question, “How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?” While it directly inspired the title of that particular post, I believe the title suits the series just as well – it is about getting to know a different side of the issue, as well as the people involved.

I would like to address a couple more questions I have encountered regularly over the years. I believe they can be answered in the same or a similar way, so I will tackle them together:

How do you know the person you’ve met online isn’t lying to you? How do you know he isn’t a psycho?

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Getting To Know You

Recently, while browsing through other blogs, I noticed that the topic of people meeting and/or dating online is quite a hot one. Although there is a lot of it going on, there are still those who are quite skeptical and even critical of this type of interaction.

While some can be downright nasty about it, other people seem to have legitimate concerns and likewise raise legitimate questions; questions that I had too, before I found myself falling in love with a man I had never seen face to face.

Mike and I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over seven years, and were married this past March. When we met online, neither of us was looking for a relationship; it just naturally grew into one. Our love has grown stronger every day since then, and we are deeply committed to each other and our marriage. We have overcome numerous obstacles, and each one has brought us closer and made our relationship even more solid.

It seems to me that maintaining a long distance relationship, especially one as long distance as ours (he’s in the U.K. and I’m in the U.S.), requires extra levels of commitment, dedication and trust. There are also certain sacrifices that a couple must be willing to make; sacrifices much different to those required in traditional relationships.

That said, I would like to address some of the questions and concerns that I’ve encountered recently and over the years. Of course, my thoughts on the subject are based solely on my own personal experience and success story, if you will. They are, however, thoughts which I have examined extensively for more than seven years and discussed at great length with my wonderful husband for just as long. I will begin with the question that inspired the title of this post:

How can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know?

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