In response to someone spamming Bible verses on her blog, Dam, author of Raising Kids Without Religion, wrote a post asking what the spammer (and those like him) expect Bible verses to mean to people who see the Bible as nothing more than folklore and fairy tales.
I’ve often wondered, myself, why some Christians take this approach. In an effort to demonstrate just how meaningless the words are to people who don’t believe in them, I posted a Wiccan chant for Ezekiel, the Bible spammer. Apparently it’s a spell used by Wiccans to bind troublemakers.
I thought it was funny.
Well, who the heck knew that a cute little poem about bubbles and cauldrons would make the poor guy loose his ever-loving mind? Actually, I suspect he did that a long time ago, but my little joke certainly did set him off.
According to Zeke, copying and pasting a Wiccan chant makes me a witch! In fact, he has dedicated an entire page to me on his blog, entitled, Lottie the Witch! I’ve been called a lot of things, but never a witch. Not in the literal sense, anyway.
I’m absolutely charmed!
But I’m a little worried too. Because later in the comments section, I copied and pasted a Bible verse. I’m thinking that if Zeke is right, then following his logic, I am now a Christian. Only I don’t want to be a Christian. I’ve done that before and it didn’t work out. Being atheist was fine, but I was getting a little bored with it, so being a witch would actually have been a refreshing change of pace. All the spells and incantations… It was going to be a lot of fun.
So now what? Do I get to keep being a witch since I copied and pasted a Wiccan chant? Do I have be a Christian again because I copied and pasted a Bible verse? Or maybe the bible verse just cancels out the chant and I can go back to being a boring atheist with nothing to live for.
I think I know how to solve this:
Teh Stupid! It burns! These goggles, they do nothing!
There, now I’ve quoted an atheist. And that’s no copy and paste job! I typed it all out, letter by letter, just to be extra sure that I’m really back to being atheist. Phrew! That was close. It’s great to be back to my old self.
And now that I’m back to my old self, let me tell you how deluded my buddy, Zeke, is. After I blacklisted his name and IP address so that all his spam comments and threats started going directly where they belong, he started emailing me the same shit through my contact page. In one of the emails he asks:
Whats with the multiple WordPress usernames you have all on the same IP?
There are a couple of problems with this. One, I have one username and no one else uses this computer. Two, I have not commented on his blog or corresponded with him in any way that would allow him access to my IP address. This was quite deliberate on my part.
Given that he’s asked this privately via email, it couldn’t be that he’s deliberately bullshitting to try and make me look bad somehow. So, I can only assume that he actually believes it.
<cue Twilight Zone music>
But wait there’s more! Zeke either has several other blogs or a few buddies who are just as, uh, confused, shall we say, as he is. I received a pingback from one of them and another one is so outraged, he’s reported my evil deeds to WordPress! How dare they allow witches to cast spells on decent Christian folks?! WordPress should only allow Christians to cast prayers on any moving target that strikes their fancy, and threaten people with eternal damnation for not believing in their invisible deity.
Yes, something must be done about Lottie the Witch, at once! Burn her at the stake, if they must, but stop her! Stop her now!
But here’s the part that really confuses me: Zeke claims that there is no power apart from Jesus which means that my so-called witchcraft can’t do jack. So then why all the outrage? Why piss and moan and complain to WordPress? Not that I’m a bit worried, mind you; it just doesn’t make sense.
Why go to so much trouble to stop someone from doing something that isn’t really doing anything anyway? Do they need WordPress as back up in case Jesus doesn’t come through and protect them from the witchcraft that doesn’t have any power in the first place?
It’s all very confusing.
I suppose I should actually thank ‘them’, though. All the links and hits I’m getting from them will help boost my Google rankings. Come to think of it, they’re actually helping me promote my Evil Atheist Agenda! Oh dear! Do you suppose that means they’re all atheists now?
I could make a special page entitled, Zeke And Friends: Evil Atheists. Or should I give them each their very own pages? What do you guys think?