I’ve Got The Power!

In response to someone spamming Bible verses on her blog, Dam, author of Raising Kids Without Religion, wrote a post asking what the spammer (and those like him) expect Bible verses to mean to people who see the Bible as nothing more than folklore and fairy tales.

I’ve often wondered, myself, why some Christians take this approach. In an effort to demonstrate just how meaningless the words are to people who don’t believe in them, I posted a Wiccan chant for Ezekiel, the Bible spammer. Apparently it’s a spell used by Wiccans to bind troublemakers.

I thought it was funny.

Well, who the heck knew that a cute little poem about bubbles and cauldrons would make the poor guy loose his ever-loving mind? Actually, I suspect he did that a long time ago, but my little joke certainly did set him off.

According to Zeke, copying and pasting a Wiccan chant makes me a witch! In fact, he has dedicated an entire page to me on his blog, entitled, Lottie the Witch! I’ve been called a lot of things, but never a witch. Not in the literal sense, anyway.

I’m absolutely charmed!

But I’m a little worried too. Because later in the comments section, I copied and pasted a Bible verse. I’m thinking that if Zeke is right, then following his logic, I am now a Christian. Only I don’t want to be a Christian. I’ve done that before and it didn’t work out. Being atheist was fine, but I was getting a little bored with it, so being a witch would actually have been a refreshing change of pace. All the spells and incantations… It was going to be a lot of fun.

So now what? Do I get to keep being a witch since I copied and pasted a Wiccan chant? Do I have be a Christian again because I copied and pasted a Bible verse? Or maybe the bible verse just cancels out the chant and I can go back to being a boring atheist with nothing to live for.

Damn!

I think I know how to solve this:

Teh Stupid! It burns! These goggles, they do nothing!

There, now I’ve quoted an atheist. And that’s no copy and paste job! I typed it all out, letter by letter, just to be extra sure that I’m really back to being atheist. Phrew! That was close. It’s great to be back to my old self.

And now that I’m back to my old self, let me tell you how deluded my buddy, Zeke, is. After I blacklisted his name and IP address so that all his spam comments and threats started going directly where they belong, he started emailing me the same shit through my contact page. In one of the emails he asks:

Whats with the multiple WordPress usernames you have all on the same IP?

There are a couple of problems with this. One, I have one username and no one else uses this computer. Two, I have not commented on his blog or corresponded with him in any way that would allow him access to my IP address. This was quite deliberate on my part.

Given that he’s asked this privately via email, it couldn’t be that he’s deliberately bullshitting to try and make me look bad somehow. So, I can only assume that he actually believes it.

<cue Twilight Zone music>

But wait there’s more! Zeke either has several other blogs or a few buddies who are just as, uh, confused, shall we say, as he is. I received a pingback from one of them and another one is so outraged, he’s reported my evil deeds to WordPress! How dare they allow witches to cast spells on decent Christian folks?! WordPress should only allow Christians to cast prayers on any moving target that strikes their fancy, and threaten people with eternal damnation for not believing in their invisible deity.

Yes, something must be done about Lottie the Witch, at once! Burn her at the stake, if they must, but stop her! Stop her now!

But here’s the part that really confuses me: Zeke claims that there is no power apart from Jesus which means that my so-called witchcraft can’t do jack. So then why all the outrage? Why piss and moan and complain to WordPress? Not that I’m a bit worried, mind you; it just doesn’t make sense.

Why go to so much trouble to stop someone from doing something that isn’t really doing anything anyway? Do they need WordPress as back up in case Jesus doesn’t come through and protect them from the witchcraft that doesn’t have any power in the first place?

It’s all very confusing.

I suppose I should actually thank ‘them’, though. All the links and hits I’m getting from them will help boost my Google rankings. Come to think of it, they’re actually helping me promote my Evil Atheist Agenda! Oh dear! Do you suppose that means they’re all atheists now?

I could make a special page entitled, Zeke And Friends: Evil Atheists. Or should I give them each their very own pages? What do you guys think?

Posted by Lottie — Copyright © 2008 Rambling On

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21 responses to “I’ve Got The Power!

  • saintpaulgrrl

    Oh Lottie, I knew that there was something special about you! I was afraid to tell you this so early in our relationship, but I’m a witch, too! Welcome to the coven, girl! 🙂

  • Matt

    “She turned me into a newt!”
    “What?”
    “… I got better.”

  • Lottie

    Bonnie,
    It must be why we’ve connected like we have. 😀
    How do you like my avatar?

  • Lottie

    Matt,
    Sorry I missed your comment. It got stuck in moderation.
    Thanks for stopping by. I’m so glad you’re all better now.

    😉

  • mattme

    How do you think Ezek knew you had multiple wordpress logins? Have you considered server logs?

  • Lottie

    Read much? I don’t have multiple WordPress logins. That’s the point.

    Zeke is delusional.

  • Obi-Mom Kenobi

    OK, now I have THAT song going through my head. “I’ve got the power…”

  • Lottie

    I know! Me too, Obi-Mom! It’s been stuck in my head all day!

    😆

  • dam

    Please, please, Lottie, can you turn me into a princess?

    I wouldn’t waste my time giving these guys more press. They’re just silly-all this talk about spells and powers and gods that smite people.

    Religion will eventually fall away, the human race will evolve and people like Zeke and friends will be dinosaurs. (I DO believe in dinosaurs.)

  • Selena

    “She is like a cat in the dark
    And then she is the darkness
    She rules her life like a fine skylark
    And when the sky is starless”

    One of my favorite witchy type songs. For Lottie 😉

  • Lottie

    Dam: Poof! You’re a princess. 😆

    I won’t be wasting anymore time. I just found the whole thing so incredibly amusing… And I actually quite like my avatar. I think I’ll keep it.

    Selena: I love that song! As soon as the music started playing, I got goose bumps.

    Thank you!

  • dam

    One more comment….These “christians” harassing you–very christian of them, especially in this season. This is how wars start.

  • Terra

    I haven’t gone to the links yet, but I am ultra curious. ROFL, you poor girl… Actually, no offense (for reals), but I know a few witches and they would be a bit hurt. After all you don’t think like they do at all 😉

  • Lottie

    Dam: Yeah, good point!

    Terra: No offense taken at all. In fact, I should probably say, as well, that I mean no offense or disrespect towards witches or Wiccans either. It may sound like I’m making fun of them, but I’m really not. I’m making fun of the ridiculous notion that copying and pasting a Wiccan chant actually makes me Wiccan. I’m not even insulted by the claim, although I can see perfectly why they might be.

    I know I probably didn’t need to explain all that to you, but I had actually wanted to make that clarification in my post and it just slipped my mind. Your comment reminded me.

    Good to see you! Feeling better?

  • girldujour

    Love the post, love the avatar.

    Rock on Lottie!

  • jhcckkm

    Wow…all I could say, for a while, was WOW!!
    I can never understand people’s desires to “prove” a point to me using the bible….to me it is all drivle….
    And the fact that people don’t get it when you use the witch (wiccan) chant as an example – – instead of saying, “oh, THAT is why atheists are irritated with the likes of me,” they continue throwing down nonsense from that book of fairy-tales.
    And then to top it all off, they do such “unchristian-like” behaviors….interesting. Very interesting.

  • Gary Murning

    “He started messing with the Christmas tree, telling me how nice the Christmas tree was. So I shot him.”

    Oops, now I’m a serial killer!

  • Lottie

    Heidi: They just make me want to run right out and get saved. 😆

    Gary: “I put up my thumb and it blotted out the planet Earth.”

    I’m an astronaut! 8)

  • truthwalker

    Lottie, that is so unbelievably cool. How do these people find you? I want blood thirsty psychos on my page too! I am fascinated by this concept. If you post a recipe for bread, does that make you a baker, or a loaf? If you post recipe for explosives are you a terrorist? A bomb? A soldier? It’s a really cool plot device.

  • Lottie

    Thank you so much, Truthwalker! I just laughed right out loud and I needed that very much!

    I don’t know how they find me. I’ve often said that I’m nut magnet. Ha!

    Hmmm… Interesting question. If I post instructions on how to repair a carburetor am I mechanic or a car? Or just a carburetor?

    It’s always good to see you. Thanks for making me laugh.

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