Always The Last To Know

It happens when you’re the black sheep, you know? People don’t tell you shit! They either think you’re not worth telling, or that you don’t care. Well, in a way I’m glad to be estranged. My family (parents mainly) are dysfunctional in too many ways to mention. Fortunately, my sister married a decent, stable and relatively normal man who, as far as I can tell, has done a fantastic job of raising their two kids since my sister died nearly eight years ago.

I spent a lot of time with their oldest when he was a baby and through his toddler years. We bonded then, and I can still feel it when I see him, however seldom that has been. I don’t know if he still feels it, but I do and, damn it, I want to know when he does something like join the Army fresh out of high school.

I found out about an hour ago that he had joined the Army right after graduation this past summer. He had orders to Afghanistan which were canceled. He’ll end up going, though. There’s really no question about that, is there? It’s only a matter of time.

This has been quite an emotional morning for me and my thoughts are all over the place. I’m tired of hiding out, unable to be in contact with people I love or speak openly about specific things that I do and places I go because of a fucking psychopath who is a complete waste of oxygen.

Sorry folks. It’s 9:30 a.m. and it’s already been quite a day.

Work. Yes, that annoying task that keeps the lights on and the heat running. I’d better refocus and fast. Maybe I can write more coherently about this some other time.

Posted by Lottie — Copyright © 2008 Rambling On

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8 responses to “Always The Last To Know

  • saintpaulgrrl

    Lottie, I know exactly how you feel about “being the last to know.” I am typically in that position with my family out east — the branch of the family where the brothers can’t even show up for a visit when I’m in town.

    What are your options for coming out of seclusion? Does Mr. WasteOfO2 still present a major threat? Do we need to implement our version of a Witness Protection Program? (Just kidding. Sorta.) Can I help in any way?

    Hugs, hon. I have a sense for the shoes you’re standing in right now.

  • efilyzarcym

    Lottie,
    Like SaintPaulGrrl, I know how you feel as well….My husband and his family are estranged – – and as you know, I am the black sheep of my family….and I have one of those waste of spacers, too.
    Is there any way, now that your nephew is of age, to keep in contact with him personally? (Or via his father without tipping your hat to phychofuck?) Yeah, and as far as that Witness Protection Program, I am totally in if we need to implement it!! 🙂

    Let me know if I can help out, too!!

  • Terra

    I feel for you… I wanted to write something motivational, but I don’t know what to say. Instead I will tell you I am also the “black sheep” I fell for a guy that my family totally disapproved of, he is the son of the woman who is held responsible (by my family) of the death of my uncle. If you could keep up with that, I am also the last to know…

    If I believed in the man on the moon I would pray for the safety of this boy…

  • Lottie

    Bonnie, Heidi & Terra:

    Thank you all so much for your kind words of support. It means more to me than you know.

    I’ll write more later, I just wanted to post a quick note for now to let you know how much I appreciate your kindness.

    Sincerely,
    Lottie

  • Postman

    I’m afraid I’m no use on the psych front, but hopefully I can ease your mind a little about your nephew.
    About a week before graduating basic traing we got the news that Iraq had attacked Kuwait. To make a long story short, the closest I ever got to the war zone was a battery of overseas shots and a handful of atabrine tablets before being told my engineer battalion wasn’t needed after all. From a purely mathematical standpoint, many more soldiers will not get overseas orders than do. Of those that do, most will be in support roles that are much, much safer than people realize. Of those combat troops in the war zone, most will never be fired at. Statistically, he’s safer than he was on prom night.

    Chin up,
    ~Postman

  • Lottie

    Thank you, Postman. That really does ease my mind considerably.

    I’ve been thinking about my nephew all day and remembering funny little things that he did and said as a kid. He spent many weekends and holidays with me and even stayed for an entire summer once. It’s hard to image that sweet little boy going off to the Middle East at a time like this.

    I appreciate your putting it into perspective for me. I really do feel more calm now. Thank you for the encouraging words.

    Sincerely,
    Lottie

  • Selena

    This totally bites! Sorry. I love my nephews like they are my own babies. I can’t imagine hearig news like this and also being the last to know! Postman makes sense so hopefully it will all work out. Hopefully your family will be more sensitive in the future!

  • Lottie

    Thank you, Selena. As always, I appreciate your compassion and understanding. Thanks for the support!

    Sincerely,
    Lottie

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