Virtual Bitchslap

Following my post, Love You Long Time?, I would like to discuss another post from Jessica’s Blog, formerly Jessica Hope Leahy’s Blog. This time Jessica takes shot after shot at people who begin and/or continue relationships online. She also makes a special point of reminding her readers that she is what society deems attractive, also suggesting that people who “look for love” on the internet are probably unattractive and desperate.

Now, Jess may throw a tantrum and whine about being picked on like she did after my first post about her, but I couldn’t care less. All her self-infantalizing whimpering about I’m just a kid…, pick on somebody your own size…, stop making fun of me…, it’s just a romance blog… gah!… are nothing more than childish cop outs, transparent attempts to avoid taking responsibility for her own words.

Well, Jess, I have news for you: some people are going to take issue with the things you carelessly slap on your blog to meet a deadline. When those people speak up as a matter of principle or conviction, you don’t get a pass just because you’re carrying a heavy workload. Other people are busy and value their time as well; many of those same people are willing to make time for causes that are meaningful to them. And they often do so without receiving any form of compensation – not even college credit.

It’s called having principles, which brings me to the reason for this post: I am a firm believer that consenting adults should engage in any kind of relationship that makes them happy. I further believe that those relationships should not become a target for ridicule; not even if some self-centered journalism student has a deadline to meet and can’t think of anything else to blog about. So, as a matter of principle and conviction, I will now address Virtual Lovin…, by Jessica Hope Leahy:

So what exactly does getting “poked” on facebook really mean anyways?

I’m sure you can tell us, Jess.

And, “anyways“? Come on…

With new social networking sites popping out of the woodwork faster than a blink of an eye, not only has meeting people been made ridiculously easy, but it seems as though more and more people are finding love online.

Ridiculously easy? It’s no more ridiculous than how easy it is to hook up in a bar or nightclub.

What exactly is “ridiculous” about it?

With the click of a button we can now “poke” someone, instantly sending them a flirtatious innuendo.

Uh huh. And?

What follows a “poke”? Flirtatious messaging? Kissyfaced pictures?

Maybe. So what? Why do you care? Oh wait… you’re about to tell us:

It kind of makes me nauseous.

And there it is: it makes Jessica sick. I find this interesting and a tad hypocritical because Jess has once again contradicted something she published on her About page:

Surgeons General Warning: If you get sick at the sight of public affection, insist that Valentines Day is just a Hallmark gimmick, and have a weak stomach at the sight of two people enjoying each others company turn away now.

[emphasis mine]

And yet the sight of people enjoying each other’s company makes Jessica nauseous. I guess it’s OK for people to enjoy each other’s company, as long as they do so in a setting and manner approved by Jessica. Otherwise, it’s nauseating.

But wait…

I have to admit though, I’ve been poked and prodded online, most of the time not answering if I don’t know the person, but talk about an ego boost.

Aha! So it’s nauseating when other people are getting attention, but when Jessica is the center of attention, it’s OK.

We may be on to something.

With all of the advances in technology, we are now looking for love online. People pay hundreds of dollars to join match making sites such as Match.com andEharmony.

Citation please? It’s just part of good reporting. And, again, why do you care?

We are being reunited with Classmates and long lost loves on Classmates.com, Craigs List and Reunion.com. What is next?

Who knows? The sky is the limit. What I can’t figure out is why you have such a problem with it. I guess you’re not as opened-minded as you claim to be.

With people so desperate to find love, these sites are no where near their extinction.

How judgmental and presumptuous of you. Why do you assume that people use online dating services because they’re desperate? Were you seriously unable to think of any other reason that people might go this route? That college of yours certainly doesn’t require much thinking, does it?

I can think of several reasons, right off the top of my head, that people might use dating services: time constraints, screening, learning about a person whose primary objective isn’t getting you into bed before last call, safety, talking to someone who isn’t groping you, the ability to end an encounter with the click of a mouse if it takes a turn that makes you uncomfortable. I think that’s a pretty decent start, and I didn’t even break a sweat.

Is it a good thing? If this type of virtual mingling is for you, then more power to you. I would have a hard time trusting what I read about people. For instance, and this might sound horrible, so let me be careful of how�this is worded. OK…if I was what society deemed “unattractive,” I wouldn’t publicly announce that on an online profile. I would talk myself up. I assume that this happens a lot.

Of course people “talk up” their good qualities. It’s the virtual equivalent to you coloring your hair, putting on make up and wearing a push-up bra. The way you look when you strut down the halls of your college isn’t very likely the way you look coming out of the shower, and when you wake up in the morning. You are just as guilty of false advertising because of the measures you take to enhance your appearance as anyone who calls herself voluptuous instead of fat in an internet profile.

And why would you begrudge other people what you yourself refer to as “an ego boost”? Because you’re “pretty”? Does the fact that society deems you attractive make you more entitled to feel good about yourself?

More to the point, not everyone is as shallow and superficial as you seem to be. Some people are more interested in character, integrity, personality, humor, intelligence, etc. than in physical appearance. In fact, these are the things that make a person attractive, in my opinion. Barbies may turn the heads, but I’ve never met one that could hold her end of a conversation or make me laugh. So get over yourself. You really ain’t all that.

I am constantly seeing ads for these dating websites with couples claiming that they found their soul mate in some chat room, and it was love at first cyber chat.

And? I fail to see the point of all your sniping. Why do you care how other people meet or conduct their relationships? It has fuck all to do with you! What exactly is the purpose of your post, Jessica? Because the only one that I can see is to demean other people and undermine their relationships.

What ever happened to the good old fashioned “blind date?”

What difference could it possibly make to you? It’s not as if you would ever go on a date with someone you hadn’t seen. He might not be what society deems attractive, after all.

I can see it now. In a couple of years two people will go on dates via webcam. I’m sure it is happening already.

Again, what is your point? No-one is forcing you or anyone else to interact via the internet. Just because you happen to think its icky, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with it. Take your own advice: if you can’t stomach it, look away.

Of course, I can understand why someone who relies so heavily on her appearance might be intimidated in a setting that requires the use of a brain and the ability to actually communicate, as opposed to batting her eyes and flipping her hair.

Is that your problem, Jess? You don’t like the idea of people meeting online because even “unattractive” people stand a chance of being noticed and now you can’t compete with what they have? I think I may have stumbled on to something here.

So have you ever been “poked?”

Wouldn’t you like to know?

Do you find it creepy?

What I find creepy is people who make targets out of other people’s relationships.

I am not so sure that the advancment of technology was ever intended to find soul mates.

I’m not sure mold was intended for the purpose of making penicillin, but it works.

The internet wasn’t originally intended for blogging, and yet…

If we limited ourselves to using things only for their originally intended purposes, there would be no advancement at all. And you wouldn’t have a blow dryer or curling iron. What a tragedy that would be!

According to this survey By mid 2003 up to 37 million people in North America were supposedly using online dating services each month, whether in search of true love and devotion or merely for gawking and flirting.

Again, what is your point?

I would love to hear what you, out there in the bloggingsphere have to say about this topic.

I think I’ve made my point. Other people’s relationships are none of my business and, unlike you, I don’t make it my business to demean other people for their personal choices. Even if they are “unattractive”.

Would you be all for meeting someone online?

Already did. Been together seven years, and got married in March of this year. I won’t bother trying to explain it to you; it’s about a level of dedication, trust, and commitment that is clearly beyond your comprehension.

Do we still believe in meeting people in person anymore? Or is that old school?

Meeting online and meeting in person are not mutually exclusive. You seem to be operating on the assumption that what you see online is the full extent of people’s relationships, and the sum of who they are as couples. You are extremely misguided.

Let me know what you think…

OK, you asked for it:

Jessica, you are a presumptuous little brat who doesn’t know a fraction of what she thinks she does about life and relationships. The hard luck story you call “credentials” doesn’t qualify you to critique other people’s relationships any more than giving birth to my son qualifies me to deliver another woman’s baby.

You are a morass of unexamined assumptions. You personify the image of The Dumb Blonde; your ignorance is revealed with every (poorly constructed/punctuated) sentence you type. You are narrow-minded, naive and conceited. It’s easy to see why you have to rely on your hair and makeup to get through life; you don’t seem to have much else going for you.

One last thing: the fact that your college accepts this kind of mindless drivel toward your graduating credits renders your alleged 3.6 GPA completely meaningless.

Remember – you asked for it.

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2 responses to “Virtual Bitchslap

  • ideanna

    Umm, hello, Lottie! I am the lady who left a comment (or two or three) about your nightmare experience with the psycho bus driver. I just read your blog in which you lambast Jessica. Overall, I think you did a great point-by-point job of decimating virtually every point she tried to make about the “shame and desperation” of on-line dating. I just have one “grievance,” however. I am considered an attractive person, and I believe I’m also pretty bright! I am sure you know as well as anyone that the two can coexist quite nicely! I thoroughly understand what you were trying to say/do in regards to Jessica’s immature ramblings, and she deserved her virtual spanking! But, having beauty does not automatically exempt anyone from also being brainy, and I can only hope that you would not wish to pit beauty against brains. They are both worthy qualities. In any case, aren’t beauty and intelligence highly subjective? And, finally, give yourself some credit here! I can already see that you are very bright, and if I asked your husband, I’ll bet that he’d say he thinks you’re pretty hot, too!!

    BTW, loved your comments about “natural” beauty. You are absolutely right. There is artifice to virtually anything. Those who insist upon natural this or natural that, must stop using the shampoo, razors, deodorant, lipstick and other assorted grooming products….NOW!!!

  • Lottie

    Welcome back, and thank you for your comments.

    I absolutely agree with you on every point. If I gave the impression that I think “pretty” people can’t be smart or vice versa, I sincerely apologize. And, yes, these are two highly subjective things.

    I was focused mainly on trying to drive home a few points to Jessica; in doing so, it seems I neglected to make a few other necessary and valid points. Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention. It definitely needed saying.

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