Thank you for sharing your story here. I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. I can relate to some of the things you’ve shared. My ex-husband is extremely manipulative and also lied to the courts to get his way in our divorce. (That’s a long story that I may write a new post on one of these days.) Fortunately, though, my son is still with me. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing him and I am so very sorry for the agony you must be experiencing over being separated from your children.

You said something that I think bears repeating:

That said, if any woman finds they’re reaching for a negative coping tool THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG!!! It also gives him ammunition in court.

Absolutely! I couldn’t have said it better myself!

Congratulations on your 4 1/2 months of sobriety! Keep up the good work and keep fighting the good fight! I’m glad you found my blog and I’ll look forward to hearing from you any time you’re up to it! I’ll also look forward to reading your blog when you’re ready to make one. It’s very easy and I’d be happy to help you when the time comes.

Have a good weekend and enjoy your holidays as best you can, all things considered.

~Lottie

I will tell you a little bit more of my story.

Hopefully other women REALLY listen and LEAVE!!! BEFORE IT HAPPENS TO THEM!!!

The father of my children manipulated the court system. Agreed to sit with me and discuss divorce then filed a restraining order against me. The restraining order was granted in his favor. He LIED and the court refused to hear about the abuse he subjected me to because HE filed before I got to court.

I haven’t seen my daughters (7 & 11) in 160 days; he is denying me visitation, and so is the children’s “therapist”. I have sent her multiple emails with detailed descriptions of the abuse and she still refuses to meet with me and also denies me visitation.

I filed a motion with the court for a GAL and stated Parental Alienation. He objected to the motion. I have sent the court multiple letters and documentation regarding PA, and the therapist. I think the therapist may be seeing the forest through the trees because she finally recommended to the court that a GAL needs to be appointed.

In my hours of research, I have found that this happens all too often. When a man thinks they are losing control and power, they use the last and worst thing they can, the children. Men will LIE and MANIPULATE the system to keep hurting us in a last ditch effort to keep the power.

Temporary Hearing is set for Dec. 15th. I am my attorney; tried to get a pro bono through NH & MA without success. At this point I think I am the one who needs to stand up for me anyways; everything happens for a reason.

Each of us has our own coping mechanism to numb, bury, deny, hide, run away. I am sober 4 1/2 months (wow, I actually had to stop and figure out how long)! That said, if any woman finds they’re reaching for a negative coping tool THAT IS A HUGE RED FLAG!!! It also gives him ammunition in court.

I know how scary it is, I lived it for over 10 years. I did not think I had the strength to go on, but each and every day I get stronger and more determined.

Lottie; Thank-you for your blog! It helps me to vent and also to get the word out there. I may ask you sometime to lmk how you did your own blog. The time is coming that I post my entire story, I just need to be patient.

Until I talk to you again, be well kind woman.

~Peace

Thank you very much for your comment. I’m glad to hear that you’re out of that situation and that the sun is shining brighter for you now! I know the feeling!

As to your question, I don’t know of any documentation on the subject. I took loads of pills, myself. They were all prescription, but I probably walked that very fine line between using and abusing them, to be honest. Staying medicated numbed the pain, as I’m sure you know. I also slept a lot, largely due to all the pills I was taking, but it’s also what I wanted to do! Sleep was a coping mechanism because it allowed me to escape.

I think it’s worth mentioning that I do not recommend these methods of coping. If someone feels trapped in an abusive relationship, I would recommend contacting a local Family Crisis Center. They help victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Besides helping to provide a safe place to live, they often provide counseling, legal support, and a variety of other practical services.

To find a Family Crisis Center in your area, simply google “family crisis center” and the name of your city or town. They also help domestic violence survivors who have managed to get away on their own, so you may find it useful to contact a center yourself.

I wish you all the best, Victoria! You are amazingly strong as well and hearing from you has inspired me too! Feel free to comment here anytime. I’d be interested in hearing how things are going for you.

Take care,
Lottie

As an aside- does anyone know where I can find documentation on what we women do to cope when we are in our abusive relationships??
ie: drinking; which was my coping mechanism while I was under my abusers control

http://digg.com/d318rnj