This month, Gessy challenged the group to write a short scene of about 100 to 300 words without using any adjectives. The following is my humble effort:
Do Not Disturb
Standing outside Russ’s door this morning, I knew. Today is Sunday, and the note inside his window had been there since Wednesday. It said, “Please do not disturb. I am resting today.”
I tried to convince myself that he just needed time. Or perhaps he had forgotten to take the note out of the window. But I knew.
I knocked on the door. No movement. Russ didn’t answer.
Walking back to my apartment, I saw the landlord coming toward our building. There were police officers with her. I watched as they climbed the stairs, and then as she let the officers inside Russ’s apartment.
They came back out within seconds. It was summer in Texas and the air conditioner wasn’t running. They spoke into their radios, using code I didn’t understand. I went inside my apartment and watched from the window.
Minutes later, people in uniforms were beginning to swarm. Men in suits drove a car that resembled a station wagon. Someone pulled a stretcher from the back of it.
How long had they been inside Russ’s apartment? I opened my door just in time to see them leaving again. There was something on the stretcher, but it wasn’t Russ. The bag was zipped from end to end.
The ground started moving toward my face. I collided with it.
Returning now from the hospital, I look up at Russ’s window. The note has gone.
October 1, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Quite a clear, succinct story can be written without the use of adjectives, as you’ve admirably illustrated!
October 2, 2008 at 8:03 am
Thanks, Bonnie. I wasn’t so sure about this one. I felt kind of… shaky about it. I appreciate the feedback.
October 4, 2008 at 10:40 am
It’s a good story, Honey. You write clearly and concisely, even within such a difficult challenge; and within such difficult subject matter. You did really well
October 4, 2008 at 10:45 am
Thanks, Honey!
October 6, 2008 at 7:15 am
Very haunting. The restraint of the challenge really brings out a very distinct voice. Great job!
October 6, 2008 at 8:29 am
Thank you Gessy! Thanks for stopping by.