Why Poor People’s Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense — by Linda Tirado
We have learned not to try too hard to be middle-class. It never works out well and always makes you feel worse for having tried and failed yet again. Better not to try. It makes more sense to get food that you know will be palatable and cheap and that keeps well. Junk food is a pleasure that we are allowed to have; why would we give that up? We have very few of them.
Nobody gives enough thought to depression. You have to understand that we know that we will never not feel tired. We will never feel hopeful. We will never get a vacation. Ever.
It is not worth it to me to live a bleak life devoid of small pleasures so that one day I can make a single large purchase. I will never have large pleasures to hold on to. There’s a certain pull to live what bits of life you can while there’s money in your pocket, because no matter how responsible you are you will be broke in three days anyway. When you never have enough money it ceases to have meaning.
I am not asking for sympathy. I am just trying to explain, on a human level, how it is that people make what look from the outside like awful decisions. This is what our lives are like, and here are our defense mechanisms, and here is why we think differently. It’s certainly self-defeating, but it’s safer. That’s all. I hope it helps make sense of it.
I’ll write more about this when my head is clearer. For now I’ll just say that I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes. I’m sure John was talking about something else in this song, but this is how I’m feeling today. It’s day two for me if you’re interested.
Please listen through to the end. If you’ve never experienced withdrawal, John makes you feel it with or without words:
Oh I’ll be a good boy
Please make me well
I promise you anything
Get me out of this hell
It is exactly 5:00 a.m. as I begin typing this. I went to bed at 8:30 last night, woke up at 2:00 a.m. and have been up ever since. I caved and put the coffee on at around 3:00 a.m. By that I mean I had Mike do it because his is so much better than mine.
Mike enjoys staying up to all hours on the weekends. It was comforting to find him (snoring) in his chair. I woke him so he wouldn’t drop his laptop. No, really! I didn’t even know I wanted I coffee at that particular moment.
So, here I am at the crack of stupid, drinking coffee, watching old reruns of the original Law & Order and blogging about it.
It is now 5:10 a.m.
I don’t suppose it matters if anyone reads here. In fact, I see some password-protected posts in my near future. I’ll send passwords to a select few to start with and see how it goes. Maybe at some point, I’ll be able to get this blog rolling again and resharpen my debating skills. (I wish you could see me waggling my eyebrows deviously.)
It is now 5:15 a.m. This is ridiculous.
I’ve probably posted this somewhere else around here, but I can’t be arsed to look. On an old discussion forum Mike and I used to own and operate, members were asked to post the lyrics to something they might consider a personal theme song. This is the one I chose and I supposed it’s still quite fitting. (Except scratch the last verse because I do value the advice of certain other people which is why I have returned to this forum! )
Peace of Mind
Now you’re feelin’ kinda low ’bout the dues you’ve been payin’
Future’s coming much too slow
And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin’
Can’t decide on which way to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I understand about indecision
But I don’t care if I get behind people livin in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.
Now you’re climbin’ to the top of the company ladder
Hope it doesn’t take too long
Can’t ya see there’ll come a day when it won’t matter
Come a day when you’ll be gone
I understand about indecision
But I don’t care if I get behind people livin’ in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind
I can’t believe how long it’s been! I don’t know if I like this new set up, but I’ll give it a chance.
I don’t know if anyone still reads this thing, but I’ll take a chance on that too.
I have a heavy heart today and felt drawn to this once warm and familiar venue. I’m not exactly sure how or where to start. There have been a lot of changes and a lot going on in my life and I need a place to share and process it all.
Is anyone still out there?